Tuesday, August 21, 2007


I dislike packing. I hate packing. I loath packing. Arggghhh ... maybe this is it. I'm finally hitting my limit.

I've moved in 6 of the past 7 years. Wow. WTF? I hadn't thought of that until I decided to procrastinate by writing crap I shouldn't.

It's 10pm. I almost never sleep before midnight - it makes me feel like i'm wasting the day. Today I've been feeling like going to sleep since 8pm. So far I've packed 1/2 a box of books.

I need to start throwing out books. I've read almost every English book that's not school/work related and is not a reference.

I've not read most of my amharic books, but the ones I've read, I've read multiple times.

I've way too many bibles ... for a person who hasn't read the bible in over 15 years. Which reminds me ... i think i've an old post i should publish.

I should have paid for packers and movers.

I don't think I'll move next year. Or the year after.

That's a depressing thought.

Oh yeah, of depression & suicide. I always end up saying something that I think I'll regret when I speak of both topics. No regrets yet. I never mean to be disrespectful - it's just there's something that doesn't sit well with the way society expects me to react. It finally struck me, these two issues are much like homosexuality. A very common argument that you'll hear being thrown at homophobes is, 'you know statistics show that most homophobic people are gay themselves'. It may be thrown at pple to make them feel uncomfortable, but I think there's an element of truth in there. You can only make other people's business personal if it is personal to you as well.

The thing with depression/suicide is ... if somebody makes a conscious decision to not commit suicide after a difficult deliberation, then to say suicide/depression is beyond the control of the individual is to invalidate that person's state of conscious being. It can have a few alternative meanings. a) although the person has had previous brushes with suicidal thoughts the person was not truly suicidal to begin with b) the person is suicidal, but the conscious decision not to commit suicide was not done at the true testing limit.

So if it ever crosses this person's mind again that suicide is still an option, in both cases the person will now be thinking, 'maybe now I'm really suicidal and I can no more control it'.

Basically a suicidal person who makes a conscious decision not to commit suicide should not be encouraged or forced to believe that suicidal tendencies are beyond one's control ... as is commonly acknowledged of mental health in today's society.

That's what bugs me.

I think I'll go pack.

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