tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-129543392024-03-07T03:57:53.745-05:00TobianUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger138125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954339.post-56173574204832670572022-07-23T06:28:00.001-04:002022-07-23T07:10:26.145-04:00Working Motherhood<p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEc1AVGOcinIglu0E2STcg6eTAqfNhB4XUiBpLcql3jp6eME-hI9ob4uJFfraIwMNeiSrT96VMRWKmQf5ZtP0sjbMT-J3vuPX5vvWpeZuPZdlM6O7I-u0-_aEs8xNZMuwoP8ifpfr2K4sav84RytOYtLBkVuOqqqrDNJrZPQh7rY6dcgnhxg/s2727/Work_Life_Balance_-_Bokeh_Background.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1828" data-original-width="2727" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEc1AVGOcinIglu0E2STcg6eTAqfNhB4XUiBpLcql3jp6eME-hI9ob4uJFfraIwMNeiSrT96VMRWKmQf5ZtP0sjbMT-J3vuPX5vvWpeZuPZdlM6O7I-u0-_aEs8xNZMuwoP8ifpfr2K4sav84RytOYtLBkVuOqqqrDNJrZPQh7rY6dcgnhxg/s320/Work_Life_Balance_-_Bokeh_Background.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Photo Jack Moreh rom freerangestock.com</span></td></tr></tbody></table>I once read a post here from the late 2000s and I realize had no recollection of the event that has taken place ... until I read it and then I started remembering. Once in a while, I get this feeling that I will forget a certain experience/insight I have and that I should write it down, as my future self may appreciate the note. This is one of them. </p><p>When I had my first child, maternity was 4 months, as was mandated by law. I had some medical complications in months 1&2 and maybe early part of 3, but the time month 4 was rolling in, I felt healthy and mentally and physically I felt the little one was in a place where his care could be shared with somebody else. I started taking 1/2 days off for a couple of days a week where I would do woodworking projects. I put processes in place to be able to check on the nanny pretty frequently, e.g. we had a logging app where I knew when the little one ate/pooped, was awake or not etc. So long as I saw the rhythm of happenings, I didn't even have to call to check in. The nanny figured out if she kept up with login, I wouldn't call her so she kept it up to date ... and we kept up that culture for first 3 years. I have donated lots of pretty accurate data to whoever owns that app! </p><p>When my little human became 8 months old, we moved countries. I took 15 days of to plan the move. Paid a hefty amount to move our entire life, furniture and even cereal for the baby in bulk, to ensure our lives continued more or less undisrupted for many months to follow. Slowly we eased into the new country and new brands and rhythms. I thought it went well. </p><p>Then i had my second child. This new country mandated 3 months off, so I took three months off. When I was getting ready to get the nanny to take over in the last month I felt a bit unprepared to do the handover. I don't think the baby was ready either. I couldn't describe a rhythm I could give instructions to. And it took us a while of me observing things were a bit "messy", using every weekend to try out what worked for this baby. Should sleep interval be 1.5hr or 2 hour approximately? What morning hour do we aim for? Why cycle would land us at what evening routine hour etc. </p><p>All of this was made more confusing because everybody in the household had a theory about why the little one seemed upset sometimes. It often revolved around her having a stomach problem. Well, that's a convenient problem, especially if the child is breastfeeding. You outsource the issue to the mother who will now spend day and night worrying about what food to eat or not to eat so the milk will get better. </p><p>The curveball in all this is the fact that babies, in the early days, don't know when they are tired and need to go to sleep. So if you don't catch your baby's sleep needs early enough, you will have a tired and cranky baby who will get more and more upset the more and more they get tired, even while you try to make them sleep. It's a nightmare for the child and the caregiver. My second child, it felt like, was upset a lot of the time. Had we screwed up her sleep schedule, or did she have a tummy issue, or was she just "colic", whatever that is? </p><p>After a couple of peaceful Sundays I had with the little one where I thought I had worked out a pleasant schedule for her, I put my foot down and told everybody in the household that I didn't want to hear any other excuses, her schedule would be per my recommendation. Tummy ache or not. Zero, deviations are allowed. Fortunately for me, her father, even if he doesn't always agree with me, is a team player. He fell in line. </p><p>The first day I noticed our nanny using her "soft judgment" and missing the recommended sleep schedule. I took half a day of work reminding her when to put the child to sleep when to feed her when to put her back to sleep etc. I don't think she appreciated the hovering attention that much. When I offered whether I should take more days off to help her with the schedule she told me not to bother, and that I can expect the schedule to be updated in the app. Bingo! I think all our lives improved significantly after that point. Every few months I updated the time between naps, increasing them by age, more or less in line with recommendations at the <a href="https://www.babysleepsite.com/baby-sleep-feeding-schedules/">Baby Sleep Site</a>, which I had used for my first child as well. Once we fixed the sleep issue, the crying fits subsided significantly. </p><p>Still, I felt my husband and I were battered in the months that followed. Our schedule with the kids has always been to take over from the nanny at 530pm once we finished work, and hang out with the kid till bedtime - usually between 7 - 8pm so far for both kids, till the age of 4. When we had one child, one parent could be "off" on alternating nights. They could either work late, work out, or meet friends. We called that parent "uncle/aunt parent" -- they could drop in and play but had uncle/aunt levels of responsibility, i.e. not much. Even if the uncle/aunt parent dropped in on their "free days", the meals, the nappy changes, etc, had to be handled by the parent on duty. This worked out for us both. It used to really give us a mental and physical break without feeling we'd deprived our child of parental care/bonding. </p><p>When we had our second child, we kept the schedule but each parent would be, on a rotating basis, responsible for either one of two kids on any given day. In theory, the parent with the older child had less work to do as daily activities involved wrapping up play time, sitting through dinner where the child will at least partially self-feed, brushing teeth, reading books, etc. A toddler still tries his darndest to test one's patience, so it's not a walk in the park but it can at times feel almost as if one has no responsibility. At times!</p><p>The parent whose day it was to take care of the baby was exactly doing that 100% of the time: giving care. It's not a mental or physical break day. </p><p>The nights with the toddler, who now has a separate bedroom, were mostly uneventful except for days when we get incoherent middle-of-the-night visits. They were ok. I tried to remind myself to always be gracious, as these little people won't come for visits forever.</p><p>The nights with the baby were like the first time around. Maybe she lost her pacifier. Maybe she wants a little bit of milk (I stopped breastfeeding at 4 months for both so I didn't have a bigger nighttime care responsibility than the father-- we took 50/50 hits). In one way or another for both babies, we also had a nighttime "on-duty parent" schedule. Whichever parent was on duty would wake up the next day estremely sleep deprived. </p><p>As months went on my husband and I looked at each other one day and acknowledged that this time round the process felt a bit more brutal. Hardly surprising, we had fewer "break" days. Most nights and all evenings. </p><p>Today I'm got the motivation to write this because I recently realized, while I still wake up at night, I am able to function almost as my old self. After puttin our first son to sleep, I used to be unable to work at night. I lost that when we had our second child. Now I can pull of a few good hours of work after the kids go to sleep till midnight, get some <i>sleep</i>, and not get to work the next day feeling like I have been hit by a bus. </p><p>Looking at where we are, I realized it must be something about this age I hadn't considered last time: 8 months was when we moved our family across countries and we slid into a new one without the feeling of too much disruption. Last time, I was lucky the dates aligned. This time I realize 8/9 months is perhaps a good milestone to feel a re-balancubg of life. </p><p><b>If somebody ever asked me, so what did you learn that you didn't read about:</b> </p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>For a regular pregnancy (i.e. not premie babies) <b>4 months</b>, even with some levels of post-delivery "complications", is the earliest optimal time to end maternity leave. Much better than 3 months, in my experience, and the difference was huge. At 3 months babies' care may be equal part instinctive and part mechanical. Perhaps at 4 months, it starts becoming 80% mechanical, and 20% instinctive. </li><li>Expect to lose yourself a bit for the <b>first 8-9 months</b>, especially with multiple kids. You will feel that you'll regain yourself significantly in 8 months or so. If you want to make daring changes, try not to schedule them before. </li></ul><p></p><p><br /></p><p>That's it!</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954339.post-8622600529534663522020-04-25T12:50:00.000-04:002020-04-25T12:57:39.629-04:00Simplifying the Drudgery of Ethiopian Food<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I like Ethiopian food. I hate cooking. For years my dislike for cooking won this internal argument.<br />
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10 years ago (thanks for the record, <a href="https://tobian.blogspot.com/2010/12/my-no-something-projects.html">blog</a>!) I started doing experiments with a slow cooker to figure out if there was a way to sautee onions (to death, a la Ethiopienne) with minimal effort. The blog post says I found the process tolerable, but in practice, I never tried to make <i><b>qulet </b></i>like that again. Why, you may ask? Chopping was a b**ch, to be honest!</div>
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Fast forward 8 years, one of my friends went back to live in Addis and got a lady who'd come in and cook for her a few times a week. Some of her cousins disapproved, telling her that the whole luxury about living in Ethiopia is having your food cooked fresh every day. Apparently, my friend disagreed then, and still disagrees now. I think I'm in the same boat. Imagine how much time Ethiopia is wasting as a nation while millions of women are chopping and <b style="font-style: italic;">maqulalat</b>ing them onions every day? </div>
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If we want women to progress in Ethiopia, we need to find 1) A 1-click solution to chop and sautee onions in bulk in every household. 2) An injera machine that takes <b><i>teff </i></b>four and outputs injera (it should manage its own damned <i><b>irsho </b></i>and <b><i>absit </i></b>, not my problem) </div>
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You notice that I left out the step following the <b><i>qulet </i></b>which is also time-consuming. That's because I think the solution already exists. Sometime last year I found internetz buzzing about this .... pressure cooker called the Instant Pot. After some research, I realized it appealed to my lazy sensibilities. It turns itself off? Check! It has pre-set buttons for frequently utilized functions? Check! It allows you to sautee and pressure cook in the same pot? I wasn't sure what that was about exactly but, check! </div>
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Let's say now I can hire somebody to chop and <b><i>maqulalat </i></b>onions for me in bulk, maybe once a month. I may even be able to find somebody to cook habesha food for me occasionally but thanks to COVID-19, I've accelerated my rate of experimentation with the Instant Pot. </div>
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After successfully making <a href="https://pipingpotcurry.com/dal-tadka-instant-pot/">Dal Tadka</a> with the Instant Pot in 2019 with very minimal effort, my first Ethiopian experiment was Misir Wot. This was actually pre-Covid. The <a href="https://spicecravings.com/ethiopian-red-lentil-stew-misir-wot">recipe was different for what I was used to</a> (some impressive berbere substitute was given as an option. My mind was blown, but I stuck with my stash of berbere), but it did the trick. I would have tweaked the recipe a bit, I'd thought at the end. Then I forgot to write that down. </div>
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The second time I made <b><i>misir</i></b>, post-COVID, I got too cocky and I didn't even re-read the recipe. I overcooked my <b><i>misir </i></b>by about 8x the recommended time. When it came out my better half thought it was <b><i>shiro</i></b>. Oops!</div>
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The third time I made <b><i>misir </i></b>with the Instant Pot, early this week, I went back to dig up the recipe and that's when I realized I'd set the Instant Pot for 40 min instead of 5 min. This time I followed the recipe again, and the outcome was good but I thought again, I'd tweak the recipe. </div>
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And that's why I'm here. Before the cycle repeats, here's a reminder to me (changes in bold): </div>
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<b><span style="color: #444444;">Ingredients</span></b></div>
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<li><span style="color: #444444;"><strike>3 tablespoons unsalted butter or ghee</strike> <b>2 ladles of vegetable oil </b>(1.5 is fine but like they say, <b><i>misir qibat yiwedal!</i></b>)</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #444444;"><strike>1 large onion chopped fine</strike> 1/4 a cup of <b style="font-style: italic;">qulet </b>(you can push it to 1/2 a cup if you love onions, like me)</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #444444;">1 tablespoon ginger-garlic crushed: 1/2 inch ginger + 2 cloves garlic OR 1/2 teaspoon Ginger Powder + 1/2 teaspoon Garlic Powder</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #444444;">1 tablespoon Tomato Paste <b>(<i>beTam </i>optional)</b></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #444444;">1 cup Red Lentils rinsed 2-3 times</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #444444;"><strike>1 1/2 cups water </strike><b> (2 cups, if you don't want your <i>misir </i>to be more Tadka Dal like consistency)</b></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #444444;">1 teaspoon salt; if using Berbere, adjust salt based on spice blend contents</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #444444;">1.5 tablespoons Berbere Seasoning <b>(2 tablespoons minimum <i>ere, CHeguarachihu kechalew!</i>)</b></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #444444;"><strike>Few drops of lime juice garnish before serving </strike><b>(</b><i style="font-weight: bold;">Ere </i><b>y</b><b style="font-style: italic;">emin lomi? </b>I didn't even attempt it, to be honest, so I shouldn't even comment<b>)</b></span></li>
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<b><span style="color: #444444;">Instructions</span></b></div>
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<li><span style="color: #444444;">Throw all ingredients into Instant Pot. Make a mild attempt at mixing in the <b><i>berbere</i></b>, but if it doesn't mix well, don't fret.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #444444;">Turn on Instant Pot, hit Manual, High-Pressure for 5 minutes. Wait for Natural release of pressure.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #444444;">Walk away. </span></li>
<li><span style="color: #444444;">Come back ~30 min later (10-15 min for pressurization + 5 min for cooking, 10 min for natural release), open if the pin has dropped, mix (don't worry if you see patches of <b><i>berbere</i></b>, remember the lazy instruction in #1? just mix well) and eat. </span></li>
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I didn't take a photo of any of my <b><i>misir wot </i></b>outputs. Best evidence I can share is<b><i> siga wot</i></b> I made today, also in the Instant Pot.</div>
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Hopefully, I'll come back and document what I did for <b style="font-style: italic;">siga & doro weToch </b>soon. </div>
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Maybe in 2023. </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954339.post-57297673946632764382018-01-21T14:55:00.002-05:002018-01-21T16:15:39.716-05:00Of Deserving & Merits<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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"<i style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Toute nation a le gouvernement qu'elle mérite."</i></div>
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<b style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: start;"><a class="extiw" href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_de_Maistre" style="background: none; color: #663366; text-decoration-line: none;" title="w:Joseph de Maistre">Joseph-Marie, comte de Maistre</a></b><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"> (</span><a class="mw-redirect" href="https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/1_April" style="background: none rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #0b0080; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: start; text-decoration-line: none;" title="1 April">1 April</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"> </span><a class="mw-disambig" href="https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/1753" style="background: none rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #0b0080; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: start; text-decoration-line: none;" title="1753">1753</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"> – </span><a class="mw-redirect" href="https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/26_February" style="background: none rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #0b0080; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: start; text-decoration-line: none;" title="26 February">26 February</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"> </span><a class="mw-disambig" href="https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/1821" style="background: none rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #0b0080; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: start; text-decoration-line: none;" title="1821">1821</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">) </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Or as it is typically translated to in English, "Every nation gets the government it deserves". </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">I don't know about the "deserve" part, but I would more agree with "Every nation gets the government it merits". </span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">Deserving implies some nations don't deserve better governance, the kind of thought process that could lead Europe to, for example, go on a colonization craze. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">Merit on the other hand leaves room for the nation's ability to do as well as it can muster. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">Since the election of Donald Trump I make it my business to check FoxNews every time I feel the need to check NYTimes and Wapo. It makes no sense to listen to vessels that reinforce my existing beliefs. The more I watch what FoxNews and NYTimes spin, the more it makes sense that Donald Trump is president. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;"><span id="goog_233709785"></span><a href="https://www.blogger.com/"></a><span id="goog_233709786"></span>Yesterday I had brunch with a couple, Ghanian and English, and the Ghanian said, "Watch this. Trump will get his second term". I shrunk in my seat, but to be honest, watching from afar, there is nothing to suggest otherwise. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">About a year ago, I read a book called "Tower In the Sky", about the youth struggle in Ethiopia in 70s, leading up to Red Terror and mass incarcerations. I highly recommend the book, by the way, simply because it broaches a topic most Ethiopians of that era are unwilling to speak about. The author isn't particularly forceful about her beliefs to the reader, but her passion and her convictions at the time are present throughout her story. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">Having missed the whole Red Terror era, from me one of the saddest insights from the book was in realizing that all the Ihapas (EPRP), MEISONs, and Dergue were, at the core, the same people. Sure, they had some differences, probably safe to say now hardly worth the blood shed. None of them were willing to compromise. All them believed the other should be exterminated because each believed their vision was the one and only true way. Alas, one of them ended up being strongest, and proceeded to wipe out the other two. Their behaviors imply that whichever of the three proceeded to power, would have behaved like the Dergue : intransigent, self righteous and willing to use force to enforce its vision. </span></span></span><br />
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<i><span style="text-align: center;"> "</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: center;">Toute nation a le gouvernement qu'elle mérite."</span></i></div>
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<a href="http://www.quoteswave.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/We-cannot-negotiate-with.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a><a href="http://www.quoteswave.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/We-cannot-negotiate-with.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a><a href="http://www.quoteswave.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/We-cannot-negotiate-with.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Image result for you cannot negotiate with people who say what is mine is mine and what is yours is negotiable" border="0" height="182" src="https://www.quoteswave.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/We-cannot-negotiate-with.jpg" style="background-color: transparent;" width="320" /></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: center;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">Not to justify Dergue's horrific rule, but it only seems plausible that Ethiopia's institutions, coupled with constructs of its society & culture </span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: center;">at the time</span><span style="background-color: white; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;"> could only allow/merit the type of government it got. Anything drastically better would have been eliminated by all the hardheaded uncompromising hardliners who were bent on enforcing their way. Alternatively, anything drastically better would have had to outperform the harshest of opposition (i.e. thereby being harsher than the harshest) to assure its success, thereby eliminating itself from the 'better' pile in the process. Some key aspects of such an outcome can be explained by </span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Escalation_of_commitment">Escalation of commitment</a>. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">The more I watch African governments, and visit African countries, the more I am convinced any group that speaks of sweeping reforms can only be a disaster. Any opposition that can't compromise and work with the incumbent will be a disaster. Any incumbent that is unwilling to work with any opposition is awaiting disaster, if not already wallowing in one. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">What we seem to overlook or unwilling to accept is that any incumbent is, in its core values, as terrible as its opposition. Society can't accidentally grow a full government of uncompromising people, and a bevy of enlightened opposition leaders, or vice versa. If the government is filled with people who can't work with the opposition, the opposition is filled with people who can't work with the government. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">Africa is filled with many such oppositions and incumbents, from Kenya to South Africa to Zimbabwe to Ethiopia, etc. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">Of late, after years of grating and devolving political culture, the US appears to have joined the club. Albeit on the far end of the functional spectrum, but still the same club. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">What a s**tshow. </span></span></span><br />
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<i style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></span></i></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954339.post-34424408128526805122017-11-07T15:36:00.002-05:002017-11-07T15:36:42.977-05:00Good days and good people<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
A couple of days ago I went into my favorite coffee shop to get my morning coffee. After I placed my order, the cashier asked, "You have cash right? We're offline today". Ah, no. I didn't have cash. So I retreated, letting the person behind me advance while I rummaged through my purse. I was pretty sure I didn't have sizable bills, though I could have found some coins.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile the woman who had ordered before me approached me to ask, "what did you order?"<br />
<br />
"A latte." And two croissants, but I didn't add those. I wasn't quite sure what the question was about.<br />
<br />
"I will buy you your coffee today", she announced, "I know how it can be when you don't have your morning coffee. I am not even a nice person till I have my coffee"<br />
<br />
I laughed and thanked her for the offer, which I accepted. And I told her not to be so hard on her pre-caffeinated self, "You just offered to buy me a coffee before you've had your morning coffee!"<br />
<br />
"Oh that," she explained, "I already had an espresso earlier in the day".<br />
<br />
Ha!<br />
<br />
I asked for her name. It was either Valerie or Valentine. She was just passing through that part of town. I thanked her profusely.<br />
<br />
I am now awaiting for an opportunity to pay it forward.<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954339.post-45190801077580669932017-10-22T16:12:00.001-04:002017-10-22T16:12:17.650-04:00Looking for Gravitas<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Lately, a few female friends as well as myself have experienced career jolts, and in some cases setbacks, due to our apparent "lack of gravitas". Unfortunately gravitas isn't something we can take a class on, or buy off a shelf. We are not even sure what it means, or how to go about finding & attaining it.<br />
<br />
So we've all been doing our research. The closest I have come to something interesting has been <a href="https://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-peck/six-ways-to-command-the-r_b_2866860.html">this article</a>, by David Peck from <a href="http://goodstonegroup.com/">Goldstone</a>.<br />
<br />
I will copy past the article here so that I don't lose track of it if the link goes down, as internet tends to:<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">How to Command the Room and Get Your Gravitas On</span></h1>
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If you’ve realized — or received feedback — that you need to develop your “executive presence,” you’re certainly not alone. For most people promoted to senior positions, it’s not standard equipment. It takes a bit of concerted effort to learn.</div>
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I’ve coached many leaders to upgrade their executive presence. My clients know that to operate effectively at the senior level, you need to be viewed as influential by colleagues, and to do that, it’s critical to be mindful of what you say, and how and when you say it. With some investment in finding an authentic and influential form of your own voice, you are more likely to be a member of (rather than a visitor among) your senior colleagues. Having an influential voice among those at the big table is what’s often referred to as “gravitas.”</div>
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grav·i·tas (grāv’ĭ-täs’) n. (<a class="bn-clickable" data-beacon-parsed="true" data-beacon="{"p":{"lnid":"source: dictionary.com","mpid":1,"plid":"http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/gravitas?s=t"}}" href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/gravitas?s=t" rel="nofollow" style="box-shadow: rgb(13, 190, 152) 0px -2px 0px inset; box-sizing: inherit; color: black; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_hplink">source: dictionary.com</a>)</div>
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Substance; weightiness: a frivolous biography that lacks the gravitas of its subject.</div>
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A serious or dignified demeanor: “Our national father figure needs gravitas, [but] he’s pitched himself as the kid brother” (John Leo).</div>
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In the context of leadership, here are six practices to upgrade your own gravitas:</div>
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<strong style="box-sizing: inherit;">1. Be poised and assured in the value of your own contribution</strong></div>
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Gravitas requires remaining calm, even under fire, and finding within yourself the assurance that your value at the table is constant and worthwhile, without having to prove it (e..g, trying to be the smartest person in the room, dominating air time, or needing to be right.) It’s natural, particularly when awed or even intimidated by the intellects or accomplishments of others around you, to devalue or marginalize yourself in subtle but noticeable ways. Don’t give in to such fear, but simply notice it in the moment, and dismiss it without reacting to it. Your value to the discussion remains constant no matter who else is in the room.</div>
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<strong style="box-sizing: inherit;">2. Use great judgment about using assertions, questions, and silence</strong></div>
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Being judicious about what and when to assert, when to inquire, and when to use attentive silence is key to gravitas. When asserting your ideas keep it short, simple, clear, and contextualized by the current discussion. Don’t restate other’s ideas. When in doubt, less is more. When you are silent, be present by active listening and staying off your devices. Listen like it matters. When asking questions, keep them on topic or message, short, and oriented toward “what” and “how” and certainly not “why,” and toward the future or present, rather than the past.</div>
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<strong style="box-sizing: inherit;">3. Avoid unhelpful verbal habits</strong></div>
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Minimize verbal mannerisms such as “um” and “you know?” and “you know what I mean?” and “like,” and any other filler words or phrases (e.g., “...at the end of the day,” and “to be honest,” and “In my opinion,” etc.) that may sound like nervous habits or ticks. Watch the tendency to “up talk”—that is, don’t end declarative sentences or phrases with an upward inflection, like a question. I often use video practice to show a client these habits, which tend to hide in their blind spot.</div>
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<strong style="box-sizing: inherit;">4. Be confident and kind, without being arrogant</strong></div>
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Arrogance and gravitas simply don’t coexist. When you’re perceived as arrogant, you’re trying too hard. Others read it as overbearing and insecure. People who deserve their seat at the table don’t have to buy it at every meeting. You have nothing to prove. You certainly don’t have to “win” with any particular idea, point, or deep thought. You don’t want to throw your colleagues under the bus, even when you think they deserve it. Treat those you don’t respect with respect. Remember, others with gravitas are doing that already.</div>
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<strong style="box-sizing: inherit;">5. Watch your body language</strong></div>
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80 percent or more of your communication is non-verbal — while that’s a common statistic, it’s often underplayed or disregarded. How you show up physically — arms crossed or not, sitting back or forward, how stressed you seem, how fast you walk in and out of the room — these all shape or limit your impact among your senior colleagues. Noticing your own body language is critical to establishing a strong executive presence.</div>
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<strong style="box-sizing: inherit;">6. Observe yourself and the situation as you participate</strong></div>
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For all of the above to work, you need to monitor yourself and others as you participate. What’s my role here? What’s unspoken here? Where should we head with this, and how is my participation helping, neutral or hindering that direction? What’s needed here? These are all self-monitoring questions that can help you adjust your impact for the better in real time.</div>
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When done right, gravitas is not a mask—it’s effectively adding your unique value to important discussions while minding and maintaining important relationships.</div>
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When gravitas is lacking, people know it, and when it’s present, they take notice: “She can really hold a room.” “His ideas are always welcomed by the board, even when there’s debate or disagreement.” “When she speaks, people sit up and take notice.”</div>
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Get your gravitas on, and your leadership is upgraded. Your contributions at the senior most levels will have the impact and be given the consideration they are due.</div>
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Follow David Peck on Twitter: <a class="follow-author__link" href="https://www.twitter.com/CoachDavidPeck" rel="nofollow" style="box-shadow: rgb(13, 190, 152) 0px -2px 0px inset; box-sizing: inherit; color: black; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">www.twitter.com/CoachDavidPeck</a></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954339.post-12396197942526158842017-10-14T07:28:00.002-04:002017-10-14T07:35:45.657-04:00Ample levels of disengagement <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://www.frankfurt-airport.com/content/dam/airport/IK_Airlines/SA/SA-banner.png/_jcr_content/renditions/cq5dam.web.1280.1280.png./cq5dam.web.1280.1280.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="450" data-original-width="800" height="360" src="https://www.frankfurt-airport.com/content/dam/airport/IK_Airlines/SA/SA-banner.png/_jcr_content/renditions/cq5dam.web.1280.1280.png./cq5dam.web.1280.1280.png" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
I was forwarded <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.co.za/2017/10/05/ethiopian-vs-saa-africas-pride-and-shame_a_23232289/">this article</a> yesterday which calls Ethiopian Airlines the 'Pride of Africa' vs. SAA, which is referred to as Africa's Shame. I do think SAA could probably do better with management, but I also think that SAA does not have the same opportunities that Ethiopian airlines has. For starters, Ethiopian Airlines is based in a country with among the cheapest labor abundance in the world. Working in Ethiopian airlines, even if in the grand scheme of things isn't a glamour job, is a privilege.<br />
<br />
To boot, Ethiopian Airlines, having had to survive in a country where it did not have access to ... well, anything, had to build its own expertise in-house horizontally and vertically over many, many <i>decades</i>. It has its own Flight School, churning out enough Pilots and Flight Attendants to service its needs and other airlines on a regular basis; it has it's own technical school for its mechanics, and last I heard, it also handled its own catering services. Recently it also made a move to fold the terminal management into its list of responsibilities -- as the terminal management process was, quite frankly, an embarrassment to the airline.<br />
<br />
Recently, when I was flying to Botswana, I boarded a SAA plane late, necessitating two guys who were already seated on my row to get up to let me access my window seat. As I was passing by I noticed that the seat separator between them had fallen apart. The plastic cover was detached for its metal base, exposing tangled wires and inner workings that probably were never meant for passenger consumption. I pointed it out to them, in case they hadn't noticed, and as they came back in they started putting things back, as much as one can do of broken seat parts.<br />
<br />
Right around then a SAA flight attendant walked past our row, so the guy at the isle pointed to their maintenance project to say, "hey, your seats are falling apart!".<br />
<br />
The flight attended responded with a sheepish smile, "<i>My seats?</i> I don't own seats. I don't won a plane!"<br />
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Right there, I thought, was why SAA was crumbling. Lack of ownership and basic tenets of service bundled into one is the calamity that we all know as SAA.<br />
<br />
Still, SAA remains one of my airlines of choice. Let's hope it holds on long enough for a revival fitting its stature. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954339.post-84137162460024627492017-09-03T16:30:00.004-04:002017-09-03T16:30:52.103-04:00Interim thoughts<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I was sent somebody else's blog, and come by to look at how many days it's been since I wrote something here. It's been a while.<br />
<br />
Over time I have wondered what stages in my life aren't conducive to my writing here. It's not lack of time. I used to think it was uncertainty. Restlessness. I would like to think that right now there is sufficient uncertainty of where I am, and where I would like to be ... but clearly that's not been sufficient motivation for me to write either.<br />
<br />
I am at a stage in life where my job is surprisingly more interesting than I expected it to be (and more time consuming), and my extracurricular activity, to get my own business idea up and running, is turning out to be quite a challenge.<br />
<br />
I have been trying to get an idea off the ground, and I am realizing firsthand how hard it is to give life to a concept. I have done a lot of research, talked to a lot of people ... and in the end, somebody asked me a very basic question: what are your options for the actual flow of cash for your business idea? What will be your margins -- when you start, and when you grow?<br />
<br />
I didn't have an answer, and I have been stuck ever since.<br />
<br />
It is very difficult to grow an idea when you don't have somebody to bounce ideas off of. I started out working on this idea with a friend. Even if we didn't agree on every strategy, it helped to get a rhythm, a cycle and a reason to sound out an idea.<br />
<br />
Sometimes you get answers to your own questions just because you have to ask them in a manner that makes sense to another person. In fact, that is my theory about answers to prayers. In Consulting the first rule of structuring a problem is believed to be in how the question is structured.<br />
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<i><br /></i></div>
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<i>"A problem well stated is a problem half solved"</i></div>
<br />
Perhaps my business idea has a statement problem.<br />
<br />
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</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954339.post-65828209436731867182017-03-04T16:37:00.001-05:002017-03-04T16:40:26.380-05:00The Center Cannot Hold<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/51FHR9fwdaL._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/51FHR9fwdaL._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg" width="213" /></a>I saw a news title today that read, <a href="http://things%20fall%20apart%3B%20the%20centre%20cannot%20hold.%20%20turning%20and%20turning%20in%20the%20widening%20gyre%20%20the%20falcon%20cannot%20hear%20the%20falconer%3B%20%20things%20fall%20apart%3B%20the%20centre%20cannot%20hold%3B%20%20mere%20anarchy%20is%20loosed%20upon%20the%20world%2C%20%20the%20blood-dimmed%20tide%20is%20loosed%2C%20and%20everywhere%20%20the%20ceremony%20of%20innocence%20is%20drowned%3B%20%20the%20best%20lack%20all%20conviction%2C%20while%20the%20worst%20%20are%20full%20of%20passionate%20intensity/">"Tony Blair: Against Populism, the Center Must Hold"</a></div>
<br />
It reminded me an old poem by <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Things-Fall-Apart-Chinua-Achebe/dp/1475033192/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1488663300&sr=8-3&keywords=things+fall+apart+achebe">Chinua Achebe</a>:<br />
<br />
<blockquote>
<i>Turning and turning in the widening gyre<br />The falcon cannot hear the falconer;<br />Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;<br />Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,<br />The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere<br />The ceremony of innocence is drowned;<br />The best lack all conviction, while the worst<br />Are full of passionate intensity</i></blockquote>
<br />
Appropriate for the times. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954339.post-81565167261535395952017-02-20T13:26:00.002-05:002017-02-20T13:30:17.342-05:00Lessons from West<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/nfy5BJ9s-Es/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/nfy5BJ9s-Es?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
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<br />
I was introduced to Heben Negatu via her podcast,<a href="https://www.buzzfeed.com/anotherround/another-round-podcast-first-episode?utm_term=.hwXR970mr#.qpNN1lm5j"> Another Round.</a> I haven't been an avid follower of the podcast, though I enjoyed it. I guess I am spoiled by the production quality of This American Life (which, I admit, is actually a radio program with a sizable budget and staff, so shouldn't be judged as a typical 'podcast'), and 99% Invisible, that I somehow can't seem to latch on to conversational podcasts, like Another Round.<br />
<br />
Anyhow, back to the video above. She makes some very interesting observations. She starts off joking that the white people in the room may find her talk difficult to relate as it will not center around them. On the other hand she notes that brown people spend their entire lives empathizing with white society. This was recently made evident in South Africa where white South Africans were found to be absolutely incapable of watching popular black shows because they just don't get it. On the other hand, black South Africans can watch popular white shows because even if they come from culturally different origins, they can put themselves in the shoes of a person from another background. Why the difference? I don't know. I will post a link if I find the poll.<br />
<br />
Another point Heben men that I really liked was around how "blackness" and explaining and defending it at work is draining. It takes away from your time to focus on your work. It also takes away from your "brand" -- for every other time your name is mentioned for good work, your name will also mentioned for arguing for black causes. I.e., you'll be diluting your "marketing", where the latter cause doesn't help advance your career (it may very well retard it). To have to work twice as hard as your colleagues, only to dilute how frequently your effectiveness is communicated upwards is a waste.<br />
<br />
To top it all, she weaved all her lessons into Kanye's lyrics. Ha!<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954339.post-46205431462511518702017-02-19T10:52:00.001-05:002017-03-07T03:03:36.772-05:00Tell him for what?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I recently went on a business trip to Nairobi. My job gives me a fancy title, and requires me to elevate transnational conversations with our customers into strategic conversations. To do this, typically I have to engage the customer at the C-Level. I do not accept meetings unless high level sponsorship and access is not guaranteed.<br />
<br />
So, I dedicated a week for this customer in Nairobi and showed up early last week, only to realize that I had no meetings scheduled.<br />
<br />
Fortunately I met an older counterpart from a sister team who had expertise in complementary products who had also come for the same customer meetings.<br />
<br />
It turned out he was invited to a few meetings, though some were also botched up. After a number of wasted days, finally the senior person in the local team who held the client relationship fessed up to me, "No offense but I want senior people in these meetings. I have nothing against you personally, and believe you can hold these conversations, but you just look too young." She points to my hair and illustrates, "See, you have no grey hair!"<br />
<br />
Out of deference, and complete shock, I kept my mouth shut. But I was fuming. What made it particularly scathing was that this senior person was:<br />
<br />
<ol style="text-align: left;">
<li>A woman</li>
<li>An African</li>
<li>Looks older than I do, but has dyed her hair jet black (or has unusually very dark hair)</li>
</ol>
<div>
I fortunately made it to some meetings because the older gentleman from my sister team and I got along very well (while waiting for his botched up meetings), and he was happy to let me tag along. He turned out to be a gem, who I am now considering to ask to become my official mentor. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
By the end of the week I had figured out he's one of the most senior people in our two teams. In fact, I had already noticed that he has an unusually fancy title than the rest of our sub-organization, which I came to understand was a reflection of his tenure. My current boss was hired by him. I also found out that my boss and him were collaborating on another project right after he wrapped up form Nairobi. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So on Thursday I made a passing comment that I was mauling over what I need to tell my boss about the week and its failures when the guy interrupted me and said, "What? You don't tell your boss that this week didn't go well. You tell him you attended some meetings with me that went very well. This deal will close, and if it doesn't close it won't be because of anything you did or didn't do. You and I have to collaborate to complete this, so whatever meetings I go to, you'll have the input. If I were you, I'd ride the wave, complete this project, take the credit and walk away."</div>
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Mind, blown!</div>
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<div>
When I got back home, I told friends (all female) about the week, the hypocrite senior woman and my missed meetings, they all said I had to flag it to my boss. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Then I told them what senior guy told me. After some consideration, they all agreed that his recommendation made sense. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMUDVMiITOU">Tell him for what?</a> They also admitted that they would never think of the situation from his perspective. They'd have gone on and raised red flags, and probably caused havoc. It may not right not to flag the issues, but is it effective?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I was once told by an ex-colleague that a cut throat executive in the organization had once given her an invaluable advice: that there are two types of employees, those who bubble up issues to their manager ("problem makers"), and those who are "solvers". </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I realized what the guy had advised me was to be a "solver", specially because there is very little my boss would be able to do about my grievances without disturbing the organizational peace. And even after he flagged the issues, what good would it do me? </div>
<div>
<br />
Update: I read this account today, <a href="https://www.susanjfowler.com/blog/2017/2/19/reflecting-on-one-very-strange-year-at-uber">written by a female Engineer who had a strange year at Ube</a>r. Having been a vocal person with HR in my previous job (which did not NOT serve me well), I learned the hard way that in order for me to succeed:<br />
<br />
<ol style="text-align: left;">
<li>I first need to survive within the system</li>
<li>Ethics & fairness was not the rule of the game, so I better learn to define my space, or perish</li>
</ol>
</div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954339.post-15000733948550356932017-01-23T17:09:00.000-05:002017-01-23T17:09:05.759-05:00Advice for Husband Picking<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I just discovered a show called "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukRAZAltAMU">Yefiqir Mirchaye" </a>on EBS. I am perpetually surprised by what I think Ethiopian society is like, but by what it then turns out to be. This is one show I would not have expected to air on Ethiopian TV, but what do I know?<br />
<br />
In one of the episodes one of the contestants was asked what kind of man she is expecting, and she said, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFTMc5ugrdw">"...beTam qonjo,,,",</a> and it reminded me on an advice my mom gave me when I was young. Most of the advice my mom gave me is from when I was younger than 14. Looking back, I find the tidbits that I remember, specially on topics like how to pick a husband, really strange.<br />
<br />
Thanks to this show, now I remember 3 metrics my mom gave me for husband selection:<br />
<br />
<br />
<ol style="text-align: left;">
<li><b>Never go for a good looking guy:</b> ironic, I used to think. Because my father, in his younger pictures, looks like a pretty handsome guy. But then again, rumor has it my dad had to ask her hand many times before she agreed to marry him. Her reasoning? You don't want to have to deal with all the women who'll be throwing themselves at him. </li>
<li><b>When you're considering a guy seriously, think about whether you'll be comfortable with the guy raising your kids alone if you were to die.</b> This is a bit too heavy to tell for a young girl, but thanks mom. My better half's sister is currently going through a divorce and she seems to be very concerned about her (ex)husband's ability to raise the children. I had to ask, but did she not consider what'd happen if she died before she married him? Umm, no, better half explained. Who does that anyway? Umm ... my mom. And me. </li>
<li><b>Don't marry a divorced guy: </b>why? because there is no such thing as "it was her fault." True dat! Though, had there been an occasion for it ... I could see how divorce can teach some people to be better partners in life. If I were to pass on a similar message to my kids, I'd amend it with, <b>"Don't marry a divorced guy who doesn't appear to have learnt from his mistakes in his prior marriage"</b></li>
</ol>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954339.post-81268928673470417622016-11-19T16:58:00.004-05:002016-11-19T17:01:57.252-05:00Rations & Irish friends<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
In high school I told an Irish friend that my mom used to "ration" our food -- i.e. we had to have a base amount of sources of proteins, vitamins, roughage, etc per meal. Once we had had our basic portion, then we could have helpings of whatever else we wanted. We were not allowed to leave the plate unfinished, for our base helping or for any additional helping we may opt to add.<br />
<br />
I still don't see anything wrong with this approach. I am always shocked how much food is wasted during any habesha <i>digis</i>, which has always struck me odd. While growing up I was told <i>qunTan</i> was <i>newr. </i>As for leftovers, they were never leftovers, because if we somehow insisted that we couldn't finish a meal and won the appeal (maybe once in my life?), then we'd have the remaining food the next meal. So, what leftovers? Just next meal's appetizer.<br />
<br />
I don't know why I just remembered this, but it cracked me up. However much I assured my Irish friend that the rationing was to maximize the min, rather than to cap the max, she was horrified ... now looking back, I think stereotypes associated with my nationality may have had something to do with it.<br />
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LOL.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954339.post-25156077842380653402016-11-15T03:07:00.004-05:002017-03-07T03:15:14.316-05:00Maybe<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
When I was heading to business school one friend who'd already been through said she'd only one advice to give me, "Play the chicken game". What is that? She explained when her school assigned team was expected to get together and work on assignments, everybody would agree to a certain time. If anything came up in her schedule that seemed to conflict, my friend would notify the group as early as possible asking to reschedule. Sometimes she pointed out schedule clashes that affected other people in the group too. On the other hand, she used to get very annoyed by teammates who'd only notify the larger group that they wouldn't make it to the team meeting at the last minute. Sometimes multiple people would be missing, necessitating a last minute reschedule.<br />
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<br /></div>
<div>
As is typical practice in business school, there came a time when the group had to give each other feedback. The unanimous feedback they gave her was that she was disruptive to scheduling, as evidenced by the disproportionate number of requests to reschedule she sent out. But ... she thought ... that's because I look at my schedule in advance!?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
So she started playing the chicken game -- if she saw a conflict, she'd never call it out. Inevitably, somebody would find some conflict at the last minute, and she'd ride that train to reschedule to a time that better worked for her. In the odd case that she was the only one who a conflict, she'd just bow out of that meeting, but that rarely happened. She named that "The Chicken Game". </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I don't remember having to play "The Chicken Game" in business school. In fact, I remember my core group being reasonably punctual. In any case, most of us had identical class schedules, didn't really have many free time slots to reschedule. Later in the program though I remember people becoming very flaky, as our schedules became different and people started searching for jobs. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
In recent years I have noticed that 'maybe' is becoming a popular answer. For me, if a plan is looking too tough to navigate in my schedule, the answer is a definitive, 'no'. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
Question: "Will you be able to join us for dinner on Thursday?" </div>
<div>
Answer: "Oh, I have two other dinners I have committed to. Maybe I will try to swing by." </div>
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<a href="https://si.wsj.net/public/resources/images/PJ-AX749C_BONDS_NS_20101101211502.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://si.wsj.net/public/resources/images/PJ-AX749C_BONDS_NS_20101101211502.jpg" /></a></div>
Wait, you have two dinners, and you're considering accepting a third one? Why, because you think I can't live another partial dinner without you? Are you doing <i>me</i> a favor? Because now I have to organize a dinner with x% of seats with maybe-sayers. If this is at a restaurant, I have to reserve this idiotic person a chair. Or I can not reserve them a chair, and then have to act all concerned and try to accommodate them if they eventually show up at a full table, trying to figure out ways to pull a spare chair and draw them into the fold.<br />
<br />
If 'maybe' was a polite no, I wouldn't mind. But it is not. People do leave engagements untimely, announcing they had a similar concurrent invitation awaiting their grand entrance. And they do show up at my events partway.<br />
<br />
I distinctly remember a time in NYC in my mid-late twenties coming the realization that I could at most have 3 commitments on a weekend day before the weekend started becoming unpleasant and stressful. So I started aiming for 2 commitments / day, giving me some free time to feel like the weekend wasn't work. When I declined to join friends on things that seemed legitimately cool but conflicting, I remember especially this group of girls who'd say "But try, ok?". Um, no. I can tell you in advance, the probability of me making it is very, very low. If there was a change in scheduling, I'd call you back and ask if it was still ok for me to join, because now my answer is 'yes'. And I would take no offense if at that point it was no longer possible for me to join. If a friend allowed me to confirm attendance late, I'd even offer to take on the admin of calling the restaurant where the friend already has reservations to add myself to the table. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
Tonight I have a dinner at a restaurant where previously I had failed twice to make reservations as the restaurant is too new and popular in town. Finally, I took a far in advance date where they confirmed they had openings and I invited friends, one of whom is a friend who I know had also struggled to get in a reservation. I also invited her most recent date. Her confirmation? "It will be me, and maybe +1". Then she confirmed that the +1 I'd originally thought wouldn't make it, but maybe it will be another date. Maybe. "We'll see", she said. Yeah, I can't wait to see -- it will be the highlight of my evening! Meanwhile, I can't invite other friends I want to see because I have to reserve a chair for her maybe. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
After observing friends who are serial maybe-sayers, I have come to conclude two things:</div>
<div>
1) They are invariably younger than I am -- solidly millennials</div>
<div>
2) They have major FOMO issues</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I need to find a polite way of saying, "I will count your 'maybe' as a no - maybe just becomes too complicated for me to manage". Or <i>maybe</i> I can be impolite about it. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
WSJ had an interesting read on it in 2010: <a href="http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052748704141104575588460082408950">The Many Powers of Maybe</a> </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954339.post-22653236024892999852016-11-10T15:17:00.001-05:002016-11-10T15:21:36.075-05:00When the world values America more than America values itself<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<a href="http://www.soulseeds.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/water-under-the-bridge-267x300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://www.soulseeds.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/water-under-the-bridge-267x300.jpg" style="cursor: move;" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Somebody sent me a <a href="http://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/opinion/2016/11/spoiled-americans-flee-created-161110075835725.html">link from Aljazeera</a>, "<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeueLTPro-Bd, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Spoiled Americans now want to flee what they created". Over the last two days, as 'the rest of the world', watching American election results has evolved from disbelief, to concern, to disgust. </span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeueLTPro-Bd, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">The disbelief was to watch American repeat the Brexit experience yet again, and handing over the most powerful position in their country to a bigot and, by self admission, a sexual predator. Jury is out on his racist tendencies.</span> </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Concern was watching European and Asian markets react, and wondering what crazy things Trump could say that could start a war. </span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></span></span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Then disgust was watching Democrats throw tantrums post-election results. My own friends became really annoying. As if the election wasn't in their hands, as if they didn't spend the election season bitching and moaning about Hilary, as if Democrats didn't act like idiots at the DNC behaving like Sanders was their one and only option to Nirvana. Millennials, fucking millennials, repeatedly asserted that their only interest in the elections was legalization of weed. And now they turn around and start marching ... marching against what? The very same election system Democrats were upset Trump wouldn't unconditionally endorse for fairness? Democrats have proven who's stupid in America. </span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></span></span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeueLTPro-Bd, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Of course, that is concerning because I have always had faith in left-leaning ideals. In this election there were more failures than the electorate failing to show up to vote. One of my co-workers argued that Hilary had given it all. She had expended all her energy and deployed immense resources. But had she?</span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeueLTPro-Bd, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">She sure had a lot of resources, but not sure if she used
her resources well. She did better than Obama in traditionally blue areas --
what a waste! Instead of preaching to the converted in California and New York,
she probably should have been crisscrossing rural America while she had time
& money.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">For Democrats, a party which claims to stand up for the
disenfranchised, they sure missed a good cross-section of America's despondent
rural population and its supporters.
Liberals decried any messages that trickled from the "other
side" labeling it bigotry and racism (which probably fueled more bigotry
and racism), as if those were root causes, and not symptoms.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"></span></span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">I went door to door for Hillary Clinton in 2008 in rural
Pennsylvania (and met some really scary Republicans :). I liked her then, I
like her (enough) now. But she's made a series of mistakes along the way, and
the sooner Democrats flip to self-examination mode and correct, the better for
Americans ... and the world.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">One of my co-workers, German guy, shared an insightful article on <a href="http://cracked.com/">cracked.com</a>. I passed it on to
HC-voting American friends and they thought it was an eye opener, which is
good, but sad. Why weren't such views
printed in The New York Times, WahsPo, etc, last year? Why aren't there such
articles on these news outlets even now? So far the closest I have seen a
"respectable" media outlet show self-examination is <a href="https://www.currentaffairs.org/2016/11/what-this-means-how-this-happened-what-to-do-now">here</a>. That's not good enough.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954339.post-62390791878136528082016-10-16T12:50:00.002-04:002016-10-16T12:56:18.921-04:00The Cost of (lack of) Free Speech<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
A <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2016/10/14/in-ethiopias-war-against-social-media-the-truth-is-the-main-casualty/">recent article from the Washington Post </a>nailed one (and possibly more) topic when it quoted an anonymous source saying:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #111111; font-family: "georgia";"><i>“Ethiopia is more vulnerable to the rumor, misinformation and provocation coming out of the diaspora because it has prevented an independent, professional and ethical media from growing inside the country .... I actually think they are beginning to realize that.”</i></span></blockquote>
<br />
<a href="http://warrenexpressed.org/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/dilemma.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://warrenexpressed.org/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/dilemma.jpg" height="130" width="200" /></a><br />
Let's hope that assessment in the last sentence is right.<br />
<br />
The lack of an independent and credible authority that can assess whether what the government or the people says is true or not is a loss for the the people and the government.<br />
<br />
Another quote that had me chuckle was:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #111111; font-family: "georgia";"><i>“The government doesn’t have a clue for using alternative voices even to support their own policies,” he said. “They can’t tolerate even a 1 percent deviation from their own view.”</i></span></blockquote>
<br />
The only shame about this article is in the fact that nobody in Ethiopia would have the guts to write it. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954339.post-17264125350457264242016-10-09T10:38:00.000-04:002016-10-09T12:42:00.127-04:00Brexit, Trump vs. Clinton and Current affairs in Ethiopia<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I woke up this morning to news that <a href="http://www.voanews.com/a/ethiopia-protesters-attack-factories-africa-rising-economic-star/3541992.html">11 foreign owned businesses have been burned down </a>by protesters in Ethiopia. Soon after, <a href="http://www.reuters.com/article/us-ethiopia-unrest-idUSKCN1290EC">a reuters article broke the news that Ethiopia has declared a state of emergency</a>. I was wondering when the the government was going to crank up the volume. It turns out today is the day. The funny thing about Ethiopian news is that even as we saw people getting killed, we all know (should know!) that that was the government showing restraint. After all, we have had government after government which have only been able to control the state through unrelenting force. How and why should this be different? Did the people change? No? Well then, the government can't change.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://rlv.zcache.com/grass_is_greener_rudy_moody_cartoon_cow_pig_cutout-re21803867a0b4af699c6bc6ff9a776c9_x7sai_8byvr_324.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" src="https://rlv.zcache.com/grass_is_greener_rudy_moody_cartoon_cow_pig_cutout-re21803867a0b4af699c6bc6ff9a776c9_x7sai_8byvr_324.jpg" title="http://www.zazzle.com/grass_is_greener_rudy_moody_cartoon_cow_pig_cutout-153166986655266893" /></a>One mixed blessing / curse of increased information flow of our times is the ease with which people can compare where they are to where other societies are. If we lived in a closed system, a government that fights protesters with tear gas could have been an advancement in the Ethiopian context. Alas, we live in the internet age where people compare Ethiopia to the United States. We compare our infrastructure to countries that have had centuries to build theirs, we compare our education to countries in which a single institution of research may very well spend as much as Ethiopia spends on its entire population. We compare our democracy to 1st world nations which, again, have spent centuries building the democratic tradition and institutions that can support complex government mechanics. We saw democracy have " a glitch" in the UK recently, with Brexit, and the world has been watching the greatest entertainment/disappointment to ever come out of the United States of America in the form of the 2016 Presidential Elections. Still, we expect better of Ethiopia.<br />
<br />
But Ethiopia is not the US or UK, and even if it had another 20 years of peace and prosperity it's not going to be in a position to be compared to them possibly for another century to come. I looked up the Ethiopian government's budget the other day -- it's about $100/citizen per annum. By comparison, federal government in the US requested for a $4 <i>trillion </i> budget in 2016, i.e. $13,000/citizen per annum. The way Ethiopians scramble to protest the government and opine on better ways of governance, one would think they had tricks up their hats. What on earth is anybody going to do with a budget of $100 per person? To be clear, if Ethiopia were to grow at 10% for the next 50 years straight, a near impossible feat, it could have a comparable government spend per capita as the US today in 2066. But even then Ethiopia will still be behind the US on the account that it wouldn't have centuries worth of infrastructure, and of course, US will by then have surpassed its current state. For all those clambering for power in Ethiopia, I have to wonder if they know what they're wishing for. I love how Americans always call the US Presidency "the toughest job on earth" -- give me a break. Give Obama a $100/person budget, a landlocked country prone to famine, warring and stateless neighbors, and watch him run away at faster than Usain Bolt's WR speeds.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
This morning I had a discussion with Ethiopian friends in the US who woke up to news of the newly declared State of Emergency. One asked how it will work out -- a police state? Well, the same way every day has worked out for the past 20 odd years for some of the people who're now protesting. The country has always operated on a silently understood state of emergency basis since ...well, forever. The state of emergency is now just explicit.<br />
<br />
Watching the anger that has now unfortunately called the iron fist back into the forefront of national operations, I couldn't help but compare how the situation parallels the populous rejecting the status quo in the US and UK in recent years. Back in the day, it was usually urban citizens who'd lead the revolts in Ethiopia. Students and cities. These days Addis is quiet. It could be for fear of repercussion but having been to Addis recently, I'd say it for lack of conviction. On the surface I'm sure there are many dissenters, but deep down, its questionable whether people have the desire to risk it all. Because they have something that's worth not risking, i.e. they are doing reasonably well.<br />
<br />
The government used to be very good at strong arming the urban masses (20% of the population) and placating people in the countryside (80% of the population). For years, urban dwellers had come to understand (subconsciously, unfortunately) that policies and concerted government efforts focused on the rural populations meant that cities were alone in their intellectual grievances. Without rural buy-in, who would fight the fight? Arada kids? Ha! This all worked for a while, but somewhere along the way the grand strategy lost track of an important detail till havoc became the name of the new game in the countryside. Like the US and the UK, the Ethiopian government lost touch of what matters to its largest demographic. The demographic which is difficult to raise once it falls, and one that isn't necessarily impressed by round-table discussions nor reason.<br />
<br />
There may yet be salvation for the ol'strategy, depending on how far into the rural-scape these protests have spread. So far the smaller towns have roared the loudest, which are still within that 20% urban population spectrum. The key question is: is the quintessential Ethiopian, the farmer, angry? As far as we can see for now, who knows! Crafted urban/rural information flow has been the glue that's kept things standing so far.<br />
<br />
Whichever way it's diced, this chapter that can't end well. But it's still a chapter, and the page will eventually turn. Let's hope somebody is already thinking about how the first paragraphs of the next chapter will read. For the sake of 100 million people caught in the story, those early paragraphs better be damn engrossing!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954339.post-39625434051424648872016-09-15T09:27:00.002-04:002016-09-18T15:51:48.537-04:00What is this madness?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
When I was 17 my great grandmother died. I was not living in Ethiopia at the time, but she died 1 week before I was supposed to go to Addis for a visit. When I was growing up my parents kept us secluded to the nuclear family so much that there were very few people I grew to know and truly feel like they were family... and my great grandma was one of them. She stayed sharp to the end. She was fun and funny. By the time she passed away she was in her mid 90s and she had no business dying as far as her body strength and health was concerned. But she fell asleep on a chair, had an accident, and so she went.<br />
<br />
My mother decided not to tell me of her death until after I landed back in Addis, i.e. a week post death. She whisked me straight to the<b><i> leqso bet</i></b> from the airport. I don't recall having much time for emotions or processing the news. Things were just happening. I don't recall crying that day, or after. When I think of that day I have an image of somebody from <b><i>geTer </i></b>visiting a big city and everywhere s/he turned, having car after car honk at them. Everybody else was in on a joke that was on me. I remember noise, incongruent images, people talking at me, and just general confusion.<br />
<br />
At the <b><i>leqso bet</i></b> I was bombarded all the<b><i> leqso bet </i></b>guests who I had not seen in years. As soon as we entered the <b><i>gibi</i></b>, I could hear as 'ah! she's back' comments made their way to the house . Soon there were faces looking out from the door. Of course I had to greet my way to the house, and how shall a 17 year old raised in Addis and abroad react in this occasion? I sure wasn't going to follow the wailing and prostrating route. The people who were greeting me, who'd digested the news for the past week, were smiling. So I smiled back.<br />
<br />
"<b><i>Deha nesh? Dehna. Sam. Sam. Sam.</i></b>"<br />
"<b><i>Deha nesh? Dehna. Sam. Sam. Sam.</i></b>"<br />
"<b><i>Deha nesh? Dehna. Sam. Sam. Sam.</i></b>"<br />
<br />
.... times 30, or whatever was required! By the time I was inside the house, I guess I had a resting smiling face. My mother came to my side and said, "Don't smile!". I don't remember anything else from this day. I don't even remember a single face who I greeted that day, though I can guess who had to have been be there. I am still not sure why that day had to unfold as it did, but it's apparently something to do with our culture. Deaths are announced not as they happen, but at some later date to benefit ...who knows who it benefits.<br />
<br />
I hadn't thought about that day until today -- earlier today I learned that my grandmother passed away last Monday. Today is Wednesday end of day. My parents apparently "forgot" (read: in their infinite, mysterious wisdom decided to postpone) to share the sad news with the extended family. <br />
<br />
So began a series of unfortunate incidents as various family members found out. The first victim was a sibling who received a condolences call for a grandma he still assumed to be alive. I got mine via a whatsapp from a friend/family who was afraid I'd be left out of the news loop (which works for me, but I doubt this was the intention when parents withheld the news). A traditionalist cousin (let's call him TC) found out when he called to say "hi" but was instead told everybody was out at her funeral. Another cousin was told the news earlier but was afraid to share it because he once told the TC of a close family member's passing, and TC disowned him because the news was shared in daylight (apparently <b><i>merdo </i></b>should be reserved for 5am).<br />
<br />
Instead of feeling sad, I found myself getting angry with how the news was (not) handled. I personally think my grandma, who was probably in her mid 90s or older, is now in a better place. This is not a sentiment that should ever be shared with Ethiopians, so I wouldn't dare utter this in public.<br />
<br />
When I think about how my parents handled this news, I am at a loss to explain why they thought secrecy (which ends up becoming morbid carelessness with today's technologies) was the way to go. Was it so that we'd not be disturbed by the passing away of our oldest family member? Was it so that we don't insist on leaving work to attend the funeral? Or was it because they were afraid we wouldn't offer to attend the funeral, and the best way to save face was not to let us have the option?<br />
<br />
As I was telling a friend after my discovery that there are somethings in the Ethiopian culture I wish I understood, even if I didn't agree with the concept. Like FGM. I understand its origins, and what society was trying to do with women through the cultural process. I vehemently disapprove of it, but at least I understand it. She told me my parents weren't the exception, and I should not try too hard to understand -- this is an enduring game.<br />
<br />
But the fact that I don't understand bothers me. A lot. It doesn't serve to reduce the blow. It doesn't serve to respect the dead nor the living. It irks me that I don't understand how these ideas formed in their heads, and their questionable judgement was released upon the world. The fact I don't understand it all raises serious practical concerns.<br />
<br />
For example, my husband's parents have a tradition of taking in their grandchildren for a week during which time the grandparents get to enjoy the kids while the parents get to enjoy short periods of freedom. If I had children, I'd have serious reservations about leaving them alone with my parents even for a few hours. What do I know? If I go away for a week, I might come back and they may tell me "Oh, we didn't want to worry you, but your daughter died last week and we buried her." My husband said, "Aaaaaaah!", in protest when I gave this example. But when I pressed on how he can figure out if what I said is not within the realm of whatever convoluted reasoning is going on through my parents minds, he didn't have a response.<br />
<br />
And that is my point!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954339.post-51734392223884896202016-08-28T10:36:00.002-04:002016-09-11T08:20:39.282-04:00Lessons from a former job<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I recently bumped into an ex-co-worker. We shall call the company we worked at X. I was with another woman who had also worked at X -- one of the few I keep in touch with.<br />
<br />
The guy we bumped into had left before me. Once in a while I indirectly hear of him from non-X related friends, but hadn't actually seen him in ages. I didn't even know he was still in town. After we chatted a little I realized that he didn't know that I had also left X, so I mentioned it to him and also pointed out that I hardly keep in touch with the crew at X anymore. He said, "me too!"<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW_W9c2-B53uxkxXPmzHgUGZPCFlcRXj_kZOe3Fbn2C_H8WzZOCKDI40BQ7oVLHq5andb2LhbTv3_sJI8QTWx2LuXe3pWGHaQ8IeIddCEvn33HUTJp4FqQPkO0Ifkn5ccQ77nX/s1600/LessonsLearned.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW_W9c2-B53uxkxXPmzHgUGZPCFlcRXj_kZOe3Fbn2C_H8WzZOCKDI40BQ7oVLHq5andb2LhbTv3_sJI8QTWx2LuXe3pWGHaQ8IeIddCEvn33HUTJp4FqQPkO0Ifkn5ccQ77nX/s320/LessonsLearned.JPG" width="320" /></a>The thing is, X was an environment where people ate, slept, breathed work. It is the kind of place that prides itself for hiring "insecure overachievers". It was more than a job - it was a cult. Work took up 80% of people's waking lives, and for the remaining 20%, employees moved together in herds between a select few restaurants, pubs and events. I remember thinking it was nice at first. That people would send out mass emails welcoming anybody in their 'class' (i.e. level) -- the company even maintained a well updated email-list for us.<br />
<br />
After I left, I invited the woman who used to sit next to me to a lecture I had heard of in town -- I thought it would be particularly interesting for her husband who I knew worked in a related field. Next thing I know, half my ex-coworkers were at the same lecture because she'd passed on the invitation. I was a bit taken aback -- I realized that if I wanted to exit the cult, I had to excommunicate even those I'd have preferred to stay in touch with.<br />
<br />
So back to this guy we bumped into, he proceeded to take my phone number promising to give me information in the tech space in town (I am yet to hear from him, but it's only been a day). I thought it was amusing, given that we'd just both pledged we don't keep track of the X crew. Later I mentioned the irony to the friend I was with and she said, "Yeah, it's almost like a litmus test: I didn't like everybody who I met there even if I was part of the heard. Now that I have left, a good indicator that I will like ex-X coworkers is if after they leave the break away from the cult. And this is an observation based on who I seem to keep as friends, not a requirement."<br />
<br />
I left X with mixed emotions. I had really wanted the job and worked very hard to get it. It was my #1 choice employer. During interview prep I remember people passing by me during my free time -- I always took the same chair/table in a courtyard -- and joking I must be glued to that spot. I prepped for every potential question I could get my hands on for 3 weeks. When I finally entered the interview room, I was like an interview robot. They would ask these random industry specific questions, and if you gave a good enough 1st answer, you'd know things were going well if they kept asking "what else? what else? what else?" I had ample ideas.<br />
<br />
So it was a disappointment when it didn't turn out to be inspirational as a job. Within my first year I had created a file called "How not to manage", where I took notes of things I didn't want to become based on what I was seeing around me. I was sure that I was surrounded by intelligent people, but I couldn't understand why individuals or the organization behaved/operated as it did.<br />
<br />
After I left that job, I once told a friend that something about the organization felt like fraud. She halted my thought process there and asked, if I felt that it was a sham, then what does that say about my time there? Good question. What exactly did I learn during my time at X?<br />
<br />
There are many lessons I learned which are probably noted under that "how not to manage" file I used to keep. I haven't read that file since I left, but I should. I will.<br />
<br />
Today I want to write (or start writing) about some of the positive things I learned at X. There were some, and they were insightful. At the moment, they're not grand enough for me think in hindsight that the job should have been my #1 choice, but they're powerful lessons nonetheless:<br />
<br />
<ol style="text-align: left;">
<li><b>Communication for impact: </b>The content of your message is nothing if you don't sculpt how to communicate it well. A well communicated BS answer can be much more effective than a badly communicated brilliant answer. If your audience doesn't "get it", remember: it's <i>always</i> your fault. </li>
<li><b>Socializing ideas: </b>Your ideas are nothing if they can't get acceptance with the right stakeholders. </li>
<li><b>Cultivating promoters: </b>You are nothing if you don't have people to who like you, and speak for you. People confuse competency and being liked, or that the former should beget the latter. They don't necessarily correlate. In mid/higher career, never compromise on being liked. Competency can be leveraged. (This probably explains why so many people get mystified when they find that their boss is an idiot - turns out competency is not the leading requirement.)</li>
<li><b>Responsibility is not given, it's taken: </b>My favorite quote from a guy I worked under on my first project. I learned the others through observation/experience -- this one landed on my lap and turned on a light bulb on my views & expectations. </li>
<li><b>"What's the 'so what?'"</b>: If a slide, activity, meeting doesn't have a compelling answer to the 'so what?' test, it should be considered for exclusion. Coincidentally, consulting itself fails the 'so what?' litmus test as a career choice, especially at the MD, Partner, Partern-1 levels. </li>
</ol>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
That's all I can think of for now. I will have to come back and update if I think of more. </div>
<br />
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954339.post-16097728797895784802016-08-05T03:24:00.000-04:002016-08-05T12:06:02.780-04:00In what world is Gonder "ok"?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogshalom.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/wpid-first_they_came___by_eelyt-d3eufv3-2.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogshalom.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/wpid-first_they_came___by_eelyt-d3eufv3-2.png" width="320" /></a></div>
For years I have identified as an Orthodox Christian in practice, and as an atheist/agnostic/ignostic in theory. The precision of the latter is irrelevant to me because ... well, the topic isn't of great interest.I need to identify as Ethiopian Orthodox because despite my convictions I think and act within the value sets I was raised with. Sometimes I have successfully broken off cultural/religious norms, and sometimes not. In a place like Ethiopia where moderation of religious views is essential for peaceful co-existence, I think it's each citizens duty to support and influence where they came from. In my case, my responsibility is the Ethiopian Orthodox Church.<br />
<br />
I feel uncomfortable identifying as Amhara, despite what my ID says, because I think that if I identify myself as anything then I have to identify others as something (else). Also, coming from a mixed heritage, it'd be a disservice to pick one over another. Again, one of the (imperfect) values I was raised with prompts me deal with issues at an "Ethiopian" level. In a perfect world, that'd be great. In reality, I have come to conclude that this mindset is akin to 'white privilege' -- if you don't feel the need to pick an ethnicity, then you must have it good. Still, I have been happy to engage others with their ethnicity AND consider issues without consciously having the need to be ethnically more inclined one way or another.<br />
<br />
Then these Gonder protests happened. My first thought was, 'well, not too surprising'. The Wolqayt Tegede issue is something I'd heard of since the inception of the Kilils. What is surprising is why they picked 2016 to act on it. Or their 'solidarity' with Oromia -- since the two issues don't have much in common other than 'my enemy's enemy is my friend' type camaraderie. Anyway, I don't want to judge the severity of the reasons that caused Gonder to have mass protests -- maybe in the past 20 years there were progressive changes they couldn't take anymore.<br />
<br />
What I will judge is the<a href="http://www.tikuszena.com/2016/07/14/debark-another-city-gonder-joined-protest/"> public display of property destruction,</a> and the accompanying rally as if it's a <b><i>jebd</i></b>. Let's be clear: this is a bunch of Amharas going around destroying their Tigre neighbors properties because they believe their Tigre neighbors are members of TPLF. What are people going to cheer next, a bunch of Amharas going around killing their Tigre neighbors? What is this -- warming our way up to Rwanda?<br />
<br />
Here are my 5 Amhara cents: if you want to protest, protest. If they beat you up, disperse. If you want to fight, fight the army, fight the police with the knowledge that they are <i>trained</i> to fight back.<br />
<br />
But don't go on some bloody destruction rampage of the property of very people you'll live next to, whether or not you stay in Tigray or Amhara kilil, and expect me to cheer you on, or empathize with your plight. <b>People on people violence is never, ever acceptable! </b><br />
<br />
As for the rest of Ethiopia watching this and staying silent: what goes around, comes around. Speak now, or forever hold your peace. And don't you even dare blame EPRDF, TPLF or whatever scapegoat slips off your tongue for baiting inter-ethnic violence -- remember Gonder, you did it to yourself!<br />
<br />
Gonder, shame on you!<br />
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954339.post-16999636190298916882016-05-14T07:20:00.004-04:002016-05-14T07:30:50.082-04:00Note to self: Political Skill Inventory (PSI ) <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
In line with <a href="http://tobian.blogspot.co.za/2016/05/effectiveness-or-correctness-but-not.html">previous post</a>, I have been reading on office politics and came across a test called <a href="http://jeffreypfeffer.com/2010/08/political-skillpower-test-2/">Political Skill Inventory (PSI )</a>. It asks 18 questions and based on a self-assessment score, one can judge if one has the soft skills to continue to grow in one's career to achieve "power", where power is less about behaving like Mugabe, and more about being effective/influential. <br />
<br />
Here is a note to self for a few years from now. Based on my assessment, here are my scores as of May 14, 2016:<br />
<br />
<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 223px;">
<colgroup><col style="mso-width-alt: 5705; mso-width-source: userset; width: 117pt;" width="156"></col>
<col style="mso-width-alt: 2450; mso-width-source: userset; width: 50pt;" width="67"></col>
</colgroup><tbody>
<tr height="20" style="height: 15.0pt;">
<td height="20" style="border-color: rgb(128, 100, 162); border-style: solid; border-width: 1pt 0.5pt 1pt 1pt; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 700; height: 15pt; width: 117pt;" width="156"></td>
<td style="border-bottom-color: rgb(128, 100, 162); border-bottom-width: 1pt; border-style: solid none; border-top-color: rgb(128, 100, 162); border-top-width: 1pt; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 700; width: 50pt;" width="67">Avg Score</td>
</tr>
<tr height="20" style="height: 15.0pt;">
<td class="xl65" height="20" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(228, 223, 236); border-bottom-width: 0.5pt; border-right-color: rgb(128, 100, 162); border-right-width: 0.5pt; border-style: solid solid solid none; border-top-color: rgb(228, 223, 236); border-top-width: 0.5pt; color: #60497a; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; height: 15pt;">apparent sincerity</td>
<td align="right" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(228, 223, 236); border-bottom-width: 0.5pt; border-style: solid none; border-top-color: rgb(228, 223, 236); border-top-width: 0.5pt; color: #60497a; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;">6</td>
</tr>
<tr height="20" style="height: 15.0pt;">
<td class="xl65" height="20" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(228, 223, 236); border-bottom-width: 0.5pt; border-right-color: rgb(128, 100, 162); border-right-width: 0.5pt; border-style: solid solid solid none; border-top-color: rgb(228, 223, 236); border-top-width: 0.5pt; color: #60497a; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; height: 15pt;">interpersonal influence</td>
<td align="right" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(228, 223, 236); border-bottom-width: 0.5pt; border-style: solid none; border-top-color: rgb(228, 223, 236); border-top-width: 0.5pt; color: #60497a; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;">6</td>
</tr>
<tr height="20" style="height: 15.0pt;">
<td class="xl65" height="20" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(228, 223, 236); border-bottom-width: 0.5pt; border-right-color: rgb(128, 100, 162); border-right-width: 0.5pt; border-style: solid solid solid none; border-top-color: rgb(228, 223, 236); border-top-width: 0.5pt; color: #60497a; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; height: 15pt;">networking</td>
<td align="right" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(228, 223, 236); border-bottom-width: 0.5pt; border-style: solid none; border-top-color: rgb(228, 223, 236); border-top-width: 0.5pt; color: #60497a; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;">2.5</td>
</tr>
<tr height="20" style="height: 15.0pt;">
<td class="xl65" height="20" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(228, 223, 236); border-bottom-width: 0.5pt; border-right-color: rgb(128, 100, 162); border-right-width: 0.5pt; border-style: solid solid solid none; border-top-color: rgb(228, 223, 236); border-top-width: 0.5pt; color: #60497a; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; height: 15pt;">social astuteness</td>
<td align="right" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(228, 223, 236); border-bottom-width: 0.5pt; border-style: solid none; border-top-color: rgb(228, 223, 236); border-top-width: 0.5pt; color: #60497a; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;">3.8</td>
</tr>
<tr height="20" style="height: 15.0pt;">
<td class="xl65" height="20" style="border-color: rgb(128, 100, 162); border-style: solid; border-width: 1pt 0.5pt 1pt 1pt; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 700; height: 15pt;">Grand
Total</td>
<td align="right" class="xl64" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(128, 100, 162); border-bottom-width: 1pt; border-style: solid none; border-top-color: rgb(128, 100, 162); border-top-width: 1pt; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 700;">4.2</td>
</tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #010f2d; line-height: 29.25px;"><i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">"Higher scores mean you have more political skill, lower scores mean you have less. You should be above 4—and possibly well above 4—if you have aspirations to reach great heights of power.</span></i><span style="font-family: "open sans" , sans-serif; font-size: 18px;">"</span></span></blockquote>
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So in a few years, if I remember to check here again, I will find out if I went on to develop soft skills .... or stayed true to my primary (in every imaginable sense) values. </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954339.post-48027231380315902642016-05-14T07:11:00.000-04:002016-05-14T18:27:11.843-04:00Effectiveness or Correctness, but not both<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">The last few years I have started thinking more and more about things like effectiveness, competency, sincerity, likability at the work place. For a long time, competency was my primary objective in life. This was in line with basic values instilled in me as a kid, in a family where egos were very tightly wrapped up in academic excellence. This value (or rather, the pursuit of it) served me well for some good decades, but I am beginning to realize that I may be at a point in my career where I can be under-served, if not derailed, by it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">When I was looking into applying to business school, I asked alums I reached out to one of the mandatory questions, "Of all the classes you took, looking back, which class do you consider most influential". Many people said Negotiations. Not surprising to hear, before or after business school. Many also mentioned Organizational Behavior. They warned me that while at business school, I would likely fail to see the true relevance of the topic, and it would feel like a waste of time. They said I wouldn't understand how valuable it will be until years after ... at which point I may regret not having paid better attention to those OB classes afterall. Well, I have finally arrived! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Recently I was talking to a friend who was irate due to some of the office politics shenanigans at her work place. A few months earlier I had developed similarly strong sentiments when I received an email from alma mater advertizing a webinar (no longer available to share) by Stanford prof called <a href="http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424053111904060604576570574190457198">Jeffrey </a><span style="background-color: white;"><a href="http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424053111904060604576570574190457198">Pffeffer, on Office Politics</a>. I took the bait and half worked half listened to the webinar. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">At the end, in Q & A somebody asked, "I don't like office politics. How I can I succeed in the work place without being sullied by it". Pffeffer sounded a bit annoyed as he answered what ended up being my light bulb moment. He questioned in return, "If you like playing (American) football, do you pitch up to a game and say, 'hey, I like this game but I don't like the violence, can we please play 'nice' ... for me?' No. You either play the game as it is, or you get off the field. The workplace is the same, you either play the games by the rules, including office politics, or you don't play at all." I imagine the "you don't play at all" is the equivalent of when you quit working at a place because it's environment was too ''toxic''. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Another person asked, "Some companies seem less political than others. How do I find a place that seems less toxic?" Pffeffer's response: "If you think a company is less political, chances are that office politics in that particular environment is working well for you. You have access to the right people at the right time, most likely at the expense of others ... who in turn will consider that environment 'too 'toxic' for them."</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">In consulting I had another epiphany after I was made to do and redo the "messaging" on slides over and over again. It sometimes felt as if I spent more time getting the message right, than I did getting to a more refined answer. That made sense one day when somebody told me that a solution 50% right and 90% implemented was much better than a solution 100% right and 0% implemented. Effectiveness, not correctness, was the name of the game. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Office politics seems dirty to me because I've been ingrained to value things like correctness, technical competency, truth and sincerity above most things. But if these things get in the way of one's effectiveness, how am I served by them? Who am I serving by them? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I would bet that my parents would sacrifice effectiveness for other 'higher' values. The way I think these days, I'm not sure that I would. </span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954339.post-3470400554338268332016-02-03T15:04:00.002-05:002016-02-04T03:13:23.337-05:00Dimetros<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
When I was last in Addis, I set out looking for non-touristy art spots, i.e. avoiding the Mankushes and Asnis, etc. Turns out, that's a bit tricky.<br />
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Some <b><i>habeshoch </i></b>deflected me with, "<i style="font-weight: bold;">ayee ... yihen'ma ferenj meTeyeq new</i>". <b><i>Ere!?</i></b><br />
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Finally somebody called somebody who recommended Habesha Art Studio, which turned out to be pretty close to Asni Gallery. TripAdvisor tells me that neighborhood is called Kebena (<i style="font-weight: bold;">lekas Qebena iza new?!</i><i>) </i>I was obviously told directions as "Ras Amba Hotel <i style="font-weight: bold;">aTegeb</i>", which worked like a charm.<br />
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So I went to see Habesha Art Studio with a friend. You've to go down this tiny road, and down a <i style="font-weight: bold;">korekonch</i>. My friend opted to park his car while we were still in the paved section. We walked a some few meters off the paved street and knocked and knocked, at a gate labeled the gallery. Finally somebody opened the gate into what seemed like a regular residential compound, albeit a bit rustic.<br />
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To our left were a circle of people who all either stared us down (we did knock incessantly), or were bored by whatever discussion had ensued prior to our arrival, and reveled in the distraction we generously offered. I suspect the former.<br />
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We pressed on. I was thinking the whole thing had a bohemian feel to it. Past the circular assembly, we were guided into a dark room (how do they paint in there?) filled and lined with paintings in no particular order. It clearly wasn't meant for display. The kicker though was this ferenj lady discussing 'artistic expressions' and what not at the far corner with a guy who appeared to be one of the artists. All that digging and I find yet another tourist spot? Fail, Tobian, fail!<br />
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In any case, I should confess, I'm not a very artistically refined person. Consequently, the greatness of the artworks escaped me. This (bottom left) was the painting (or something very similar) the artist had in front of him that day.<br />
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<a href="http://www.selamtamagazine.com/image/nd15_style_substance_03.jpg?w=600" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="http://www.selamtamagazine.com/image/nd15_style_substance_03.jpg?w=600" height="320" width="212" /></a></div>
<a href="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRrVYWtk5yjWXKnV-slI67R7dPRmPqeBnMvNMImt0FinT2wNrFw" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRrVYWtk5yjWXKnV-slI67R7dPRmPqeBnMvNMImt0FinT2wNrFw" width="320" /></a><br />
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We were baffled. We were told some of the artworks in there weren't for sale, as they were about to go on tour (oh wow?) The rest of the stuff wasn't priced, so when they offered to call another artist to help us we told them not to waste his time on our account, and departed. Weeks later, while on board my ET flight back, I was to browse through my Selamta and have my eyes pop when I came across a painting in style of those artworks destined for tour. The artist, I found out, is called Dawit Abebe (top right...his 'fro itself is a work of art <b><i>iko</i></b>). Among other tours, <a href="http://www.selamtamagazine.com/stories/cape-town-art-fair-2016">he's scheduled to show his work in Cape Town in 2016</a>. Mad props, good man! Sorry I wasn't able to appreciate your work, but wish you success.<br />
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After the Habesha Art Studio stop, I caved and went to Mankush. I didn't like most of the art there either but I totally fell in love with the work of a person who signs 'Dimetros'. S/he paints typical Ethiopian town scenes with vaguely defined shapes of people who I imagine to be draped in <b><i>neTelas</i></b>. In one painting, I was convinced the scene was from Harar, even though I've never been there. The collection at the gallery were either warm (red/brown hue) or cold (blue, like the ones below), but somehow gave the impression they were all morning scenes. So I looked up Dimetros, and below are some paintings I was able to find from <a href="http://www.ethiopianartisans.com/">Ethiopian Artisans</a>.<br />
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<a href="http://static1.squarespace.com/static/54e4b5c7e4b0785874fc3d64/54e4bc92e4b07bd81fa5cd16/55880002e4b0eb99d4b2a8eb/1434976259895/003.jpg?format=500w" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://static1.squarespace.com/static/54e4b5c7e4b0785874fc3d64/54e4bc92e4b07bd81fa5cd16/55880002e4b0eb99d4b2a8eb/1434976259895/003.jpg?format=500w" height="320" width="277" /></a></div>
<a href="http://static1.squarespace.com/static/54e4b5c7e4b0785874fc3d64/54e4bc92e4b07bd81fa5cd16/5588092ae4b04baa030d12f4/1434978602718/008.jpg?format=500w" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="http://static1.squarespace.com/static/54e4b5c7e4b0785874fc3d64/54e4bc92e4b07bd81fa5cd16/5588092ae4b04baa030d12f4/1434978602718/008.jpg?format=500w" height="320" width="267" /></a><br />
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<a href="http://static1.squarespace.com/static/55fa7900e4b027d7305476d2/55fa8d0ee4b01cd1ed51629d/56024b6de4b061985f69f1c8/1442992479085/002.jpg?format=1000w" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://static1.squarespace.com/static/55fa7900e4b027d7305476d2/55fa8d0ee4b01cd1ed51629d/56024b6de4b061985f69f1c8/1442992479085/002.jpg?format=1000w" height="320" width="276" /></a></div>
<a href="http://static1.squarespace.com/static/54e4b5c7e4b0785874fc3d64/54e4bc92e4b07bd81fa5cd16/55880e9ce4b00c797d23e1de/1434979996697/013.jpg?format=500w" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="http://static1.squarespace.com/static/54e4b5c7e4b0785874fc3d64/54e4bc92e4b07bd81fa5cd16/55880e9ce4b00c797d23e1de/1434979996697/013.jpg?format=500w" height="320" width="268" /></a><br />
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Alas, I was buying art for somebody else (their pick!) and didn't end up buying Dimetros' art either. But when I next plan to buy art for myself, I will sure be on the hunt!<br />
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p.s. Price range I was quoted for Dawit Abebe's work was ~25,000 Birr, and Dimetros for ~7,000 Birr. <i><b>Min?</b> </i>I'm sure we all have worse ways of spending money.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954339.post-55618468384610749592016-02-01T11:35:00.004-05:002016-02-04T09:54:45.101-05:00No Man's Land <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Circa 2007/8 I stopped keeping track of Ethiopian current affairs/politics. I noticed that modern Ethiopian affairs went in cycles. The cycle involved some variations of strong, top-down government policies, protests, bad quality reporting<span style="font-size: x-small;">,</span> imprisonment, more protests, and release from imprisonment ... bla bla bla... </div>
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<b>Observation 1</b></div>
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Leaving reasons for/from all sides of the isles aside, personally I had two concerns with this cycle 1) I was spending valuable time to keep up with news of a platform that wasn't necessarily maturing over time 2) the process reminded me of one of Eisenstein's layman friendly observations, that insanity was doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results. </div>
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So then I withdrew, which freed my time for other things. Like reading up more on the American election, scouring rural PA to canvass voters for Hilary Clinton (yes, I started out as pro-Clinton till she fried herself and Obama took over) and being chased by angry Republicans. Some people were really scary, like the one guy who yelled at me, "Didn't I tell you to get off my porch yesterday?", as he opened his door. A potential retort could have been, "Umm, no ... unless you think all black people look alike!" Instead I blurted 'Uh ... I've never been in this town before today in my life ... ", turned tail and bolted. Second amendment and all, no need to mess around! I would have made one pathetic page 10 corner of the local newspaper, "Today, a non-American citizen was shot dead by an angry swing-voter while canvassing votes for Hilary Clinton". I don't think so, but I digress ...<br />
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Over the following years, I continued to stay off of detailed Ethiopian news. I did look at some business news, and never gave up athletics (though athletics gave up on me!). In March/April 2015, I happened to be in Addis when they government okayed a rally to support(?) Ethiopians executed by ISIS (to date, I'm not sure what the purpose was) but I was amused to observe, the cycle was still going strong. I talked to our driver at the time why the rally ended on ugly terms and he said, "<i><b>Federalochu hizbun CHefeChefut</b></i>". I asked why. He said, "oh some kids threw rocks at them."<br />
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Fascinating.<br />
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In the United States, assaulting a law enforcement officer can land one in jail <a href="http://www.hopesandfears.com/hopes/city/city_index/215849-city-index-the-penalties-for-assaulting-a-cop">for up to 25 years</a>. As recent police brutality cases in the US show, curbing police brutality is actually a very difficult problem. I would think, the last thing one'd want to do in Ethiopia (or anywhere) is to f*ck with the police. And yet, there I was with our baffled driver who seemed surprised about how shit went down. Recall, "Insanity is doing the same thing ...."<br />
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<b>Observation 2</b><br />
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I remember having a chat with a friend some time around 2009/10 where I played the devil's advocate for ... everybody in the Ethiopian political spectrum. At some point he stopped me and told me I couldn't be for real, I must be hiding behind some fake image of "transcendent fairness" I was trying to concoct/achieve. He promised me that one day, he was going to figure me out when I slipped or self-contradicted. Alas, I didn't get as many opportunities to talk to him post 2011, so I don't know if my story stays glued ... I sure continue stay glued to my story.<br />
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The world makes a lot of sense if I take other people's positions and apply, to best of my judgement, some degrees of ignorance, fear( a lot of it!) and greed to their perspective. Then Rush Limbaugh, Mengistu, Haileselassie, our current government, the opposition ... all start making much better sense. I can begin to view the world in a space that doesn't contradict theirs too much and that, fortunately, allows me to be less and less upset by the state of affairs. Sure, I also have to wonder how these three forces are affecting <i>my narrative, </i>but that's a whole other topic. What I am left with is then arguments for all sides, and solutions for none. Upon first glance, this can seem apathetic ...<br />
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Recently, I listened to an NPR interview with Obama when he said, “<a href="http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2014/05/29/obama-revamps-his-foreign-policy-baseball-metaphor/">Every once in a while, a pitch is going to come right over home plate that you can knock out for a home run. But you don’t swing at every pitch</a>” And I thought, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0N1nSU0exI">aha!</a><br />
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Aligning nitty gritty details, butting heads, cycles of futile engagements, misinformed discussions, etc .... I don't see the point to them. Ideals are great, until they distract from reality. The point for all concerned is not to swing endlessly, but to find those few knock out home-runs. This isn't just in politics, this is in <i>everything.</i><br />
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I recently worked for a company where one of the most valued (and elusive) skills was "communicating for results." Sometimes this meant that the right answer wasn't necessarily the best answer. The hardest part, I found, was detaching oneself from the right answer.<br />
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In the end, if we can't inspire results, what's the point of it all?<br />
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p.s. Coincidentally, the movie <a href="http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/no_mans_land/">No Man's Land </a>is a good illustration of the futility of polarization, fueled by fear and ignorance. Despite the grim topic it handled, I remember finding some of the dialogue ridiculous and laughing out loud in the theater (I think I was the only one laughing, I embarrassed my friend). Great movie!<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954339.post-83942450119054670162016-01-24T16:45:00.003-05:002016-01-24T16:45:21.830-05:00Super Car<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
In a perfect world, one would want to learn the language of the in-laws for improved communication. I feel that about 80% of the time, and for the rest, I find myself enjoying various occasions emanating from our comprehension gaps.<br />
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I was CCed on a group email from the mother in law tonight. My language skill is weak enough that I must surely be missing something. To me, this is how the email reads:<br />
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<b>Subject: </b>Super Car<br />
<b>Message:</b> This evening super car helped us get back to the house. Well done everyone for the creation. I have a fairy tale for the super carrot.<br />
Kisses, mom<br />
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<b>Attachment: </b>darkness/black, interrupted by a white box in the middle, as if the photo was taken at night by photographing a lighted electronic screen. The screen is so bright that nothing is discernible on it.<br />
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Maybe she finally got around to using the GPS on her car? I don't know.<br />
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When I finished reading, I had to laugh. Why would I want to miss this comedy in the name of improving my diction/grammar?</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954339.post-80690011455797096582016-01-20T03:33:00.000-05:002016-02-29T02:46:50.228-05:00Staying tuned<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Three years since I put up something here!<br />
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I was looking at my blog 'logo' and was wondering if I needed to change it, given that I don't live in the US anymore. For now, I've decided to keep it, since I get accused of being American on so many occasions. Yes, 'accused' is the right term, often arising when I'm being contrarian. Why I can't be contrarian and Ethiopian, I don't know.<br />
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Besides there are some habits I've not yet given up. Such as going back to the US more frequently than my bank account likes, for starters ... though admittedly, that's been as much due to functional requirements as desire.<br />
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Other notable habits I've kept, or picked up, which are very American-inspired are:<br />
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New episodes of <a href="http://www.thisamericanlife.org/">This American Life</a> continue to account for weekly mini-delights of my week. Even though I discovered TAL in the 2000s, sometimes I dig old episodes when the occasion presents (frequently?). E.g. this early episode about <a href="http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/4/vacations">horror vacations</a>, featuring an American family in Ethiopia in the 60s or 70s. So bizarre. So funny. Chinese father, German mother, and typical American kids ... attempting vacation in war zone Ethiopia. And to top it all, they wanted to travel by bus. Good grief.<br />
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Another episode of regional interest was <a href="http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/502/this-call-may-be-recorded-to-save-your-life">This Call May Be Recorded... To Save Your Life</a>, on Eritrean refugees held hostage in Sinai desert. Insert Somalian or Ethiopian for Eritrean, and that story would be true for the region. As much as I enjoyed the episode, I never quite figured out how it got to feature on TAL (it doesn't involve Americans or the US). But thanks anyway, TAL.<br />
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Finally there was also the story of a Somali refugee in Kenya, trying to get through to the US, <a href="http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/560/abdi-and-the-golden-ticket">Abdi and the Golden Ticket</a>.<br />
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<a href="https://serialpodcast.org/">Serial</a>: TAL's little sister, and awesome. How could I resist? Hooked on it via a girl who told me about it after our mutual love for TAL confessions. In return, I got an Ozzie friend who's never even been to the US but is a fan of TAL hooked on Serial. A week later I got a distraught message from her, "This world is not fair! I cried all the way to work listening to Serial. I'm sad!" That'd would be Adnan's story, <a href="https://serialpodcast.org/season-one">Season 1</a>.<br />
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<a href="http://www.nytimes.com/column/modern-love">Modern Love, NYT</a> : about 80-90% of articles are good weekend candy ...<br />
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<a href="http://topics.nytimes.com/top/features/style/fashionandstyle/columns/social_qs/index.html">Social Q's, NYT</a>: If it wasn't for the person who answers them, these would be boring. But Philip Galanes makes this column hilarious.<br />
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I've a few other habits in tow, but will have to think about why they'd be worth typing out ... </div>
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Update: I also found this artist, <a href="http://songexploder.net/kelela">Kelela </a>... </div>
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